i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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