Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
