I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
