it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
