you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
