Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
