Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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