And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
