Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
