Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
