rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
