why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
