are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
