the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
