Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
