Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
