If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
