her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
