I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
