this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
