You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
