Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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