My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
