he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
