Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
