dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
