i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
