you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
