I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
be right there i have to get my cape
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