If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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