She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
