I must be too annoying 4 u.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
