Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
