Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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