I can't watch pbs sober anymore
literally had 100 drinks last night.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
