He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I am available for nakedness
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
