there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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