Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Send help, water and tortillas.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
