The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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