In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
