I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
