Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
