The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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