I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
how does that bad decision feel?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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