Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
