covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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