hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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