Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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