So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
