We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
