I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
