well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
