At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
3pm strippers are depressing
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
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