I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
