This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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