Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
