he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
