I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I need moral support for this bender
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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