Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
